BREAKING THE HABIT

Breaking The Habit
Linkin Park
Memories consume like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume,
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more, than any time before
I have no options left again

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confuse

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight…

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

The song goes on and on in my head as i write now.... I just had to make a change of heart cause deep down i know i'm a good person but for whatever reason there's some people who thinks that i have a bad attitude. It just takes me while to accept wholeheartedly some situations or the people i am involved with like my boyfriend Ian ex-girlfriend as of this writing i am ready to deal with it. I should be the one to have better understanding of everything. Should i make the first move or should i wait and see what happens next? Well let's wait and see what happens next...

It'S mY pArTy....

"And When the shares of pure light
dance in her eyes,
I see my angel for the first time
know my purpose,
feel my birth
Hear at first faintly,
then distinctly the sweet strains of our union
Our love heats up the cold universe
Gives my tired,
Desperate hope a reason
and season to be revealed
We purified by our kisses
Our eternity healed."

So goes this poem i got from watching The Saint which stars Val Kilmer one of my secret boyfriends (hope my real boyfriend won't get jealous!!!!!!! hahahahaha!!!) anyway this is one of my favorite movie. It shows the passion of the person to another and how they love each other. It just brings me back to a time where i was inspired as i am now....

So it's been a while we've been together for a few months now and well it was a rocky start full of complications. I just can't believe that i stayed this long in a relationship, see in the past it wasn't as real as this nor this serious. I guess it goes with the age. Things has been going my way and well just a few more things that i have to accomplished which i'm hoping it would come and then i would be fullfilled. I can still remember our first date at the movies. I was supposed to watch somethings else, this one i forgot. Saturday morning i accompanied him with his work and he told me that he would like to join me. So i said yes but he still had to go home and hit the shower. I went to his place and waited for him when we got to Jersey Gardens, he asked if we could watch another movie instead of the one i was going to watch. So i said yes, as it turns out we both enjoyed the movie it was "Chronicles of Riddick" that was last summer. We were friends back then and we were more like buddies. It feels like we've known each other for such a long time. Now everything is different and it feels good to know that someone cares truly and loves me back....

It's my time to party and celebrate this day........... It's feels like V-day for me. I do hope those who reads this know what this day means to me..... It's our monthsary... ang term medyo baduy at wala sa dictionary but it does exists.... Hehehe!!!!!!! Anyway enjoy the week ahead........

VIRGINIA BEACH

My boyfriend Ian and me at Virginia Beach taken last July 3, 2005.

JEALOUSY?????

Ok let me get this straight i just couldn't admit it but i am the jealous type BUT i try to be reasonable not to be. My boyfriend thinks that i am still jealous of his ex-gf maybe in the past but right now in this moment in time i don't think i am and he won't believed it. It's just that there's something about her that bothers me and well you know how it is there will always be someone that you don't feel at ease with maybe it has something to do with the past or maybe it's just her personality itself, i just don't know. But when i saw her for the first time or maybe the second time, since i just saw her back during the time they were still together (hehehe!), i felt nothing it's like when he sees his friends and i get to meet them personally. I can't even explain why i sometimes have this feelings towards her but don't take it personally i'm just still undecided about it. I was talking to a good friend of mine Engineer Raymond (WOW such a big word!) and he was telling me that it's just natural to be jealous but you should know how to handle it. It's such a puzzle that i haven't even heard her good side cause everything i know about her is the bad side. Maybe given the chance i might be able to understand who she really is but then again let's just leave it that way.

Relationships you really have to work hard on it. Kaloka nga talaga di ba Mylene? Well i'm still in this certain phase of how reality bites. I don't want to be this angry person with repressed feelings. Anyway i hope to anyone who's reading this understands my point of view... so enjoy the weekend!